Pegging Is Up 200% Among Straight Men Here's Why & How to Do It

He's googling it at 2 AM and erasing his search history. Because he still thinks wanting to be pegged means something about who he is. It doesn't. And tonight we're blowing that myth wide open.

Interest in pegging among straight men is up 200% according to Feeld's 2025 annual report. Not in some dark corner of the internet — on mainstream dating apps. Men are putting it on their sexual bucket lists, bringing it up on second dates, and still going silent when it matters most. Today I sat down with Luna Matatas — sex and pleasure educator with over two decades of experience and the creator of Peg the Patriarchy — to talk about what pegging actually is, what men are really asking for when they ask for it, and what women get out of strapping it on.

In this episode:

• What pegging is — and what it isn't
• Why wanting to be pegged says nothing about his sexuality
• The prostate: what it is, where it is, and why men are missing out
• What women actually get out of giving it — physically, emotionally, erotically
• How to have the conversation with your partner without killing the mood
• A step-by-step guide to the first time — positions, lube, pace, and what not to do
• Why men who've been pegged say it makes them better lovers

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name, Talk Sex within It. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's Talk Sex with a net topic is Pegging is up 200%. Here's why straight men are asking for it. Interest in paging among straight men has surged 200%, according to the dating app Fields

New Name Same Locker Room

SPEAKER_00 1:02

2025 annual report. Not in some dark corner of the internet on mainstream dating apps. Men are putting it on their sexual bucket list. They're bringing it up on second dates. They are Googling it at 2 a.m. and then erasing their search history because they still think it means something about who they are, and it doesn't. And today we're going to talk about what it actually means, what it feels like, and what happens when a man finally asks for what he wants. My guest today is Luna Matatis, a sex and pleasure educator with over two decades of experience, the creator of Peg the Patriarchy, and one of the most trusted voices in anal play kink and body

Pegging Up 200 Percent

SPEAKER_00 1:47

confidence in the game. Her work has been featured in Women's Health, Cosmo Playboy, Vice, and Refinery 29. She teaches a mountain of on-demand sexuality workshops. And she doesn't just talk about pegging. She's the person other educators call when they need to understand it, which is exactly what I did. You're gonna find out more about her, but before we dive in, I want to remind you to find me over on OnlyFans, where I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos, demos, audio guided self-pleasure, meditations, and so much more. You can find me there and on Substack with my handle at TalkSexWithanet. And you can find both Luna and I everywhere you want to when you scroll down to the net section below, because I'm gonna have all of the links there. Now, Luna, can you tell my listeners just a little bit more about you?

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Yeah, absolutely. I'm so excited to chat about this topic. It's so fun. I'm a sex and pleasure educator, which means that I get to engage people in how to do the sex, how to have the sex that they want. And I started in more of a public health perspective, talking about sexually transmitted infections. I worked in eastern and southern Africa and I'm based in Canada. And the conversation was the same everywhere. It was about how to have more pleasure. And that really inspired me to have classes that focus on things like confidence, creativity in the bedroom, and also communication, which is sort of our social lube for how to have better sex.

SPEAKER_00 3:19

And she's gonna be teaching us how to communicate with our partners when we want to do the pegging. Now that's why you're gonna want to stay to the end. Well, you're gonna want to stay to the end for a lot of reasons. First of all, you're gonna find out more about what pegging is, what it really means to want it and to do it, and then how to approach it, right? So by the end of this podcast, guys, even if you're just here for curiosity's sake, you're gonna have a full guide to pegging. And you might find that curiosity is piqued and you're like, I'm bringing something new. But if you're here because you really are curious, maybe you're scared or you feel weird about it, or you think it means something about you, stay to the end because by the time we're done with this, that's all gonna be dispelled and you're gonna be well on your way to pegging or getting pegged. Right? Pegging or getting pegged. Yeah. So let's let's dive in. I'm ready to talk about pegging. Cheers. Cheers. Pegging, strapping. For anyone who's never heard of the word, what is it? And what isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 4:27

Yeah. So pegging originally was a term that was coined by sex educator and columnist Dan Savage. And it was back in the 2000s where a lot of his listeners who were cisgender heterosexual men wanted to be penetrated up the butt by their cisgender heterosexual female partners. And there was no really term for this specific iteration. Whereas for everyone else, I mean, pegging is anal intercourse. And but the specific nuance around pegging is that it is usually with a strap on. It is usually between people who maybe are reversing the roles of who gets penetrated and who does the penetrating. But in 2026, we know that anybody can peg, anybody can strap it on, anybody can receive

What Pegging Is And Is Not

SPEAKER_01 5:17

it.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

Well, you and I know that, but there are some people who struggled with that. So a man asks to be pegged or to be the receiver. What is he actually asking for?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

Yeah, so the the anus, the butt, there is a ton of sensation and nerve endings that can be an erogenous zone if someone has an affinity for touch or stimulation there. So we all have a butthole. It's like the great gender equalizer, but not everyone erogenous or has an erogenous likeness to that area. So even people who are gay men, we assume that they're all having butt sex. They are not. We we all have different preferences in the bedroom. So when someone's asking for pegging, we want to ask some clarifying questions. Get curious. What is it that you are asking for? Is it a fantasy of being the recipient or being the person that's being penetrated? Because there might be an element of power that we want to play with or role play. For other people, pegging is simply another form of sex. It's another way to get pleasure, to get connection, to be playful in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Does wanting to be pegged mean something about his sexuality? Or is that a myth that's keeping men silent?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I love that that you're asking that question because I think it's one of the big questions that holds people back from talking about it with their partner, bringing up their desires. And it doesn't. It doesn't say nothing that you do sexually says anything about your sexuality, your sexual orientation unless you want it to, unless it feels affirming through this sexual act. So some people that strap it on, having a cock, having a penis, having an appendage that you can penetrate with is affirming for their gender or their sexual orientation. For other people, this is this is a toy, this is a way to facilitate a different kind of sensation or pleasure. The people who are receiving the idea that it's connected to their sexuality is homophobic nonsense that kind of comes from our patriarchal society, where men do this and women do this. And so that binary keeps us from actually exploring sensation. What do you want to feel during sex? What do you want to experience during sex? And so a lot of people have a hard time unhitching those two ideas from feeling and sensation to performance, performing masculinity, performing a role that

What He Is Really Asking

SPEAKER_01 7:50

you think is expected of you to be desired or to feel sexy.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

And men have the prostate, right? That I mean, this is a huge pleasure center that kind of the main way to access it is through the anus. And unless you're allowing for that, you don't get to experience what is from what I understand and what I've seen, and a very elevated level of pleasure.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Yeah, absolutely. The prostate is a gland that's located inside the body, kind of behind the base of the penis. And so you can access it through the rectum, so through the butt. So with fingers, with penises, with toys like dildos. And that sensation is an intensified sensation. It feels deeper in the body. And so for some people, that feels like too much, it's too intense. For other people, they're like, yes, let's do the thing, let's get all the stimulation from there. And so pegging can be one way to experience that, but any kind of anal play. So if you have a prostate, you can touch it yourself using prostate massagers, using your fingers. And that's actually preferable to just going to get your partner to do it. I found that a lot of people that I had pegging experiences with, they'd never touched their own butt before. And I quickly learned that I don't want to touch your butt and play be inside of your butt if you haven't had a chance to be in there, because I need information about your body through your experience with it to have more fun and more safety if I'm going to be penetrating somebody.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

And the things that you're saying about, you know, I don't want to peg you or be in your

Sexuality Myths And Prostate Pleasure

SPEAKER_00 9:46

body or put my finger in your butt unless you've already been there and you know what you need. I mean, we don't really reverse that for women when it comes to entering their body any which way. We just think that we just think that men should be able to enter us and know what is going on when we oftentimes many women haven't entered their own body. I think something else that's interesting to me is that with men heterosexual men oftentimes feeling like pegging or playing in that realm, anal penetration realm, may mean something about their sexuality. There's also this attitude of disgust around it, but it's being gross. But I will tell you one thing that heterosexual men never hesitate to do ask a woman if they can bang her butt. And I have said on this podcast many times when I've had round tables with women, sometimes one of our complaints is before they've even like fantasized or talked about just having sex with us vaginally, they're like, So do you lag it up the butt? I'm like, dude, we haven't even slept together and you're asking about my asshole.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah, that I feel like that's a universal thing that that many women who have sex with men can really relate to. There's been this like fantasy, this taboo, which has largely been fueled by a lot of mainstream porn, which is designed for the male gaze, anyways. And anytime we make something taboo, people kind of want it more. But the reality is with anal, there you could, you could want to do it. So someone could be asking it of a partner who is genuinely interested in it. But if the butt is not in the mood, then things are not going to happen. So if we feel mistrust with a partner or we don't feel enough trust yet with a partner, we don't feel calm and relaxed around a partner, your booty hole is connected to your nervous system that doesn't have that kind of mind over matter control. It's it's very much an involuntary relaxation of those muscles, specifically around the butthole. So it's kind of about getting to know your own butt by playing with your own butt, but it's also about training your butt in safety and gradually exposing it to larger and larger penetration from fingers to sex toys to penises to dildos without shocking the body. Like there's no such thing as surprise anal. Regardless of what gender you are, you have tissue and muscle around the anus that needs to be stretched, toughened, and kind of accommodated to different sizes of penetration through anal training.

SPEAKER_00 12:36

You might say that the anus is a good thermometer for figuring out how much you trust your partner. If it clinches up, you might need to go to therapy with your partner. I think back to it, I think I I mean, I have when I've had good anal sex, like because women, we don't have a prostate, but it can be really incredible. I think I've only had one partner where I've been like, oh, this is really good. And it was, there was a lot of sexual compatibility and trust in that. So interest in pegging is up 200% among straight men. What has changed?

SPEAKER_01 13:20

I would love to say, I hope that what has changed is that men have always had these desires and they just feel more comfortable owning it. So anytime we have more social or cultural commentary around something, we see trends in porn change. So what's happening in society also happens or is processed through our desires as we we get aroused. I think also that because there's just been more mainstream education around it, I was hosting a podcast on anal sex for two years. So two seasons of just anal, and we had over a hundred K listens. And I was so surprised that this many people wanted to engage in anal talk or anal sex. I think what's also happening is that we're seeing some extreme

Why Interest Is Rising Now

SPEAKER_01 14:11

kind of iterations of masculinity, of power, of fascism in our society. And so often pleasure is a way of subverting that. It's a way of being in contrast to that. So pegging might feel liberatory for some people, it might feel kind of subversive for for some men. It might feel like, oh, you know what? I want to lean into anything that isn't like that. So they might actually be taking the stereotype of pegging and eroticizing it for their own bodies to feel at odds with society. Anal, also, pretty much since the pandemic has been on the rise in terms of reported fantasies or reported activities. So anal in general, which can be penetrative or non-penetrative, is making it easier for people to have more attention, more affection, more stimulation to the butthole. So things like rimming or holding vibrators against it, or stimulating the prostate from the external spot so that we can reach internal without being inside the body.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

This brings me to you coined the term peg the patriarchy. What does pegg have to do with power? And I think you just touched on it a little bit in what you said, but let's dive in real quick.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

Yeah, Peg the Patriarchy was born, and luckily I wrote it down in 2015. And it was my way originally of connecting sort of my interest in sexuality and my interest in equity and justice. And so the patriarchy isn't a person, and the patriarchy is a system of power that sets out guidelines for how we're supposed to be, particularly around binaries like men and women do this. There are binaries everywhere, lots of rules. And it bases itself on power over other people. So when we're talking about pegging the patriarchy, we're pegging a system, we're subverting a system for the sake of pleasure. We're throwing pleasure at the system. And the the idea that people would also embody that interpersonally, they could see themselves enjoying

Peg The Patriarchy And Power

SPEAKER_01 16:25

subversion, that subversion doesn't have to mean humiliation or degradation. It means occupying a different way of getting our pleasure other than what's prescribed by patriarchy. So Peg the Patriarchy has come to mean so many things to so many people. Some people love it, some people hate it. For me, it's still become this call of that our pleasure does not need to be dictated externally by other people's desires, by systems, whatever, that it comes from an internal place when we connect to sensation, when we connect to our bodies helping us lead and guide what we're into.

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Yeah. And I think it's important, especially for the straight heterosexual men listening to this right now, because I know oftentimes in my episodes where the word patriarchy is brought up, there is this automatic defensiveness that arises in you. But what I really want for you to understand is that the system, which is the patriarchy, is also robbing you of the pleasure and the connection. And dismantling that system doesn't mean that you can't be masculine in the way you want to be masculine. It just takes some of the rules off of that. So you can be more authentic to who you are, you can get more pleasure, have more connection, better relationships with women because we all feel safe and equal. And because when you want to get it up the butt, you can get it up the butt without feeling weird about it, right? So we've talked about what men get out of pegging, why it's so interesting to them right now, pleasurable. I want to talk about what women are getting out of this, women who are going to be the ones giving the pegging. And I have to tell you, I'm sure we have to bring up hunter wives, right? That's what the name of that show is. I like blew through it for so many, so many reasons. But the scene that really, well, there's a lot of scenes that stand out in my mind, but one that really just rocked my world because I don't feel like we've seen it on mainstream TV like we did in the scene was the scene where the very, I've I believe I've even talked about it on this podcast before, but masculine cop was getting pegged by his wife. And it was so fucking hot. Like it took this act that I think most a lot of straight heterosexual, pretty conventional people would be like, oh, we're never doing that in my bedroom, or my husband's too masculine to do that. He's not gay, he's not whatever slur you want to throw out. And

Why Women Might Love Pegging

SPEAKER_00 19:30

it takes that couple that really that exact couple you think would be seeing that, and and it put them in this hot pegging scene where she is just she's just going at it and he's just loving it. And he afterwards they're like just consuming each other. And I I mean, I got turned down. I was like, fuck yeah. Like who doesn't want that, right? But what is it the women get out of pegging? What is that feeling? What would make that such a true to life scene?

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Yeah, I love that example because it carries a lot of stereotypes from patriarchy that that you just called out. The the idea that the default of penetration is power over, or we have a lot of euphemisms around sex that are like destroying the pussy, or like everything is rough, harder, faster is better. And uh you think about okay, well, is that is that what you expect to be done to you because that's what you want to do to other people's bodies? And if that's what people enjoy, great. Let's let's go for mutual pleasure instead of pleasing the patriarchy's idea, instead of being pleasant to patriarchy. What if we fuck with it a little bit and see what kind of of pleasure and connection comes out of it? So for women, there are so many reasons why you might want to strap it on. There is a feeling of a little bit of gender fuckery where we get to embody something that we don't normally have. So even the weightiness, the physical sensation of having a strap, of being the person doing the penetration, even though it's not a skin, a bio, a factory installed body part, we are still getting that erotic imagination, that arousal that comes from the brain, that comes from our situations that are feeding our communication and connection with somebody else. Physically, you also are getting stimulation. There are so many different types of gear that allow for internal stimulation for the strap wearer, that have for external strap strap stimulation for the strap wearer. So things like grinders or mini vibrators or double ended dildos, like these are all things that can add physical sensation. We're also getting the pleasure of being able to surf the pleasure of our partner who's receiving. So watching their face change, watching their movement. Bones, watching their body melt into whatever we're doing to them, fulfilling their fantasy. Pegging can be really sensual. A lot of what's depicted is harder, faster, because that's what's hot and sensational in mainstream porn. But pegging can be the same kind of sex you would have as a receiver, but also as a giver. I love pegging in missionary because I can kiss my partner, I can touch their body, they can touch my body. Some people can also orgasm or even squirt from pegging and from giving the penetration because the pressure against the moan's pubis, that fleshy, voluminous area on your pelvis, that area is connected to the deep vibrations of the that the clitoris likes. So any bumping or grinding against that area can potentially give stimulation to the inner deep parts of the clitoris. So physically, mentally, emotionally, erotically, pegging has so many things that feed all of those receptors of pleasure.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

I love that you said surfing the pleasure of your partner. I I think that's kind of how you phrased it. It's something I've really been trying to teach my listeners or explain to my listeners because half the pleasure of intimacy is in the giving and and the seeing, the watching. For me, I'm like, I like to top. And for me, I like I like to kind of pleasure top or pleasure dumb where I don't even need physical stimulation, really. Like I can be fully clothed by giving pleasure and like watching that is like own kind of like I I like to think of it as an an energetic orgasm or or an emotional orgasm where I and after I'm done giving them how whatever kind of pleasure and however many types of orgasm, like I'm done. And and and they'll always have this reaction, like, well, what about you? And I'm like, I am perfect. Like, let me just sit and like feeling like a goddess right now, right? And that's that, but I've never heard it phrased like that. Like it's this opportunity to women feel that power of surfing the pleasure that they are evoking out of someone else that just has the melting, right? It's an incredible experience. So that's such a wonderful way for you to explain that. So now we're at the point where we gotta talk about actually making it happen. He wants to bring it up, but he's terrified. What does that conversation look like? And not for I think that people like you and I, and probably our communities talking about all kinds of sexy stuff doesn't shock most of our partners. But we there are a lot of people, we are unique. So I would say the vast more majority of men in this situation, this is not necessarily the most easy thing to bring up. How does he begin to do that with his partner?

SPEAKER_01 25:15

Yeah, I think one is timing. So we're not bringing it up in the middle of sex, in the middle of sexy time. You want to bring it up at a time where you've got privacy, where there is some like intimacy or chillness, maybe you're hanging out, it's date night, but at home. And you want to bring it up from a perspective of, hey, I'm curious about how you feel about this thing. I want

How To Bring It Up Safely

SPEAKER_01 25:41

to share something with you that I'm interested in from a perspective of no obligation. A lot of times people come in with their desires and they'll say, Hey, so what do you think about pegging me? Oh, hey, can you peg me? I want to be pegged. Well, cool. But then that narrows it down to just the activity. And so, what if your partner isn't into that? What if they need time to research how they feel about it? What if they need kind of a slower entry, a rope ladder sort of into that fantasy that you have been thinking about and jerking off to forever? And so giving our partners more information. So talk about what you would like to do. Ask about can we have a chance to just sort of share our desires? I'm really curious about what you're into. There's something I've been thinking about, but I felt like kind of weird about what you're gonna think of me. Being vulnerable is a great connector in these kinds of conversations. Like, don't have shame on top of your shame. Just name the shame about it or name the nervousness. Share what you're nervous about and what you're excited about. Talk about what you want to experience and what you want them to feel because the feeling part may open up other desires that you didn't know, even if this one's not gonna fly. So if I say I want to be, I've been thinking about you pegging me because I think it's so hot for you to be in charge. I think it's really sexy that I would get to be a bit more surrendered or submissive. I've heard that this is a really hot spot and I love exploring new spots on your body. Can we explore more spots on my body? And this allows for, okay, maybe I'm not into pegging right now, but I love the idea of topping, or I love the idea of taking control, or I love the idea of using toys on your body. Maybe strapping it on doesn't feel good for my pleasure and I can't quite get into it. But do you want a dildo up your butt that I'm holding? Do you want a butt plug that's remote controlled that we go out to dinner with, and I get to hold that? So it leaves the door open for erotic creativity between the two of you instead of just the activity. The activity of pegging, yes, there's physical pleasure, but there are most things that we do, they are vessels for a particular kind of erotic energy. And so that might mean sensuality, it might mean kink, it might mean role play, it might mean kind of feeling out like different sensations, but it doesn't have to focus on on pegging. So no obligation, lots of curiosity, lots of reassurance to your partner that they can take time to think about this. Maybe you go on a website together or do a little sex toy shopping trip, and they choose the strap and you choose the dildo. Most people have just seen it in porn. And so that can be super intimidating. It might not be the vibe you're even thinking about. And that person, your partner, may already have an assumption that feels at odds with their pleasure because it's unfamiliar to them.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

You could send them this podcaster say, Hey, this podcast came. And you know what? I've said this before on this podcast. And I've always thought to myself, I wonder if people actually do that. And I got a letter from a listener who actually did do exactly that and had a really great conversation and success with it. I think, and even if you're feeling self-conscious, you can be like, wow, I came across this podcast and I didn't even have any interest or it seemed weird, but now I'm kind of curious, will you listen to it with me? Like and and allow for the natural reactions that come up, right? And allow both of you to giggle or go, mm, that might be gross. Like talk about it. Sex has all kinds of things going on in it, all kinds of body fluids. It's okay to be like, mm, that could be gross, but we work through that and figure out how to make it very sexy. You could send them, you could sit and watch that episode of Hunterwives and look. They're gonna like the girl on girl scene. And then they get a little bit of pegging. And then you can go, wow. Because one of the beautiful things that scene did is it really did flip the the narrative on pegging, and it and it I which was lovely. I was like, wow, wow, I never thought I'd see this on, I want more of that on mainstream TV. So walk us through the first time. You you sat down, you talked to your partner, you guys kind of like took some time to take it in, and she's like, okay, look, I'm willing to give it a try. Walk us through that first time. What should it look like? And I know it can look different ways, but for instance, she's not gonna take the biggest strap and like just shove it in. What are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 30:47

So yeah, that's absolutely true. Don't your eyes are probably gonna be bigger than your butthole. There's gonna be a fantasy of like, oh, like a fist-sized dildo, but that you probably don't want anything bigger than your thumb in terms of width for the first time, especially if you haven't done any anal training, which I highly recommend that you do, where you work with your own body with lots of lube and butt plugs to allow your body to get comfortable with penetration. For the the receiver, you are probably gonna want to clean yourself out. And it's not

First Time Prep Lube Hygiene Gear

SPEAKER_01 31:22

mandatory, but especially for first-timers, having a hygiene routine before pegging can make you feel more confident. It can also get the area a little bit stimulated because we're starting to put things in it, like a syringe to flush it out. There are different ways to prepare the body, but the hygiene part doesn't have to be like a full-on enema or it doesn't have to be some shower attachment. I usually recommend little syringes because we don't want to flood a lot of water. So there's little sort of bulbous syringes you can buy at the drugstore or on sex shops. And we just want to flush out the rectum. So the colon is higher up where poop is gonna live, but the rectum is where particles of poop from your last bowel movement are potentially gonna exist and get disturbed during penetration. So high fiber diet and lots of water and then washing the outside or even just the tip of the inside after your last bowel movement is probably enough. The reality is you can prepare for mess to give yourself a little bit extra confidence. So put down a black towel or a disposable puppy pad, something that if there is a mess, you can easily clean it up quickly. If you're gonna throw a party in poop's house, poop might come. So there might be poop. And so, as the givers, we also want to reassure our partners. I always say to partners, hey, if you need a little bit of cleaning up, I will let you know. You relax. And if we need to freshen up in the shower together in between, we can do the thing. And for the person who is strapping, getting accustomed to your strap before you strap it on for your partner for the first time is super important for function and confidence. So put that thing on, dance around in it, do some helicopter dicking in it, feel yourself, play with it, enjoy it. And especially if you're new to strapping, you may choose something that you feel maybe has a better aesthetic, but not necessarily a good function. So you may lean towards the panty straps or the underwear strap style. I recommend something with lots of straps and buckles so that you can adjust it to your body. The closer that the strap is held to your body, the more likely you're gonna have better control over penetrating, which is gonna be important for pain reduction and also comfort of the receiver. So you're gonna want to start super slow, like nothing's going in the butt until the butt has invited us. So we're gonna get tons of lube that we're gonna reapply and we're talking good quality lube. We're not talking things that feel sticky or tacky or dry up. Lots of people like either oil-based or silicone-based lube because it's longer lasting. But you, if you have water-based lube, just make sure it's thick and good quality and that you're reapplying it. The penetration can start with all it will starts after all the sexy things that you already like to do. So you like oral, you like neck kisses, you like body contact, eye gazing, get the body super aroused before we even try to put fingers in. If a thumb can't go in, you're probably not getting your dildo in that night. So the first shot at pegging lots of times doesn't work for people. And it doesn't mean that you can't do it. It just means you need a little bit more relaxation, a little bit more practice, maybe some more anal training. And that can allow us to open up the body and open up our connection. When we're trying something new, sometimes we're focused on like, must get in the butthole, must do the thing. And that kind of takes away from oh, yeah, this person has a whole body that I usually enjoy and I'm connected to and get off to, and I'm just focused on getting in their butt. So you only go as slow as the butt wants, and it doesn't have to get all the way in. The thrusting motion usually doesn't feel good for someone who is new to pegging because it feels similar to the contractions that happen during a bowel movement. So our body is like, oh shit, we're shitting. And it doesn't allow us to lean into the sensation of pleasure that comes when we get past that sensation and the sphincter muscles start to also associate pleasure in that moment instead of performance or function for poop stay job.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

Yeah. There you go, guys. That's a great walkthrough of the first time. Let's start with what are the best positions? In my mind, she's behind them. But what is the best position for entering someone with pegging the first time?

SPEAKER_01 36:22

I a thousand percent recommend missionary. So anal missionary, having the person who's receiving on their back so that way we can see what's happening on their face. There's more connection, there's more skin. There's it's also sometimes easier to stimulate the penis at the same time. Some people don't get penis pleasure at the same time, they get butt pleasure. So if you don't have an erection, that doesn't mean you don't like it or that they don't like it. It just means that your body has rerooted its pleasure focus to the butthole. And being an anal missionary, you can see that a little bit more. You may want to put stimulation there, you can communicate. Doggy also requires the person receiving to hold their body up with their hands. So if you are gonna do doggy, you want to make sure you release

Best Positions And Common Mistakes

SPEAKER_01 37:12

any of that tension and have your person on the bottom, maybe even throw themselves over like two stacked pillows or a sex wedge, a sex cushion so that their body can relax in that doggy position. But I yeah, I really like anal missionary because I've had people say, I'll check in and say, Oh my gosh, or how are you doing? You like this? Is it good? And their face is like, yeah, yeah, no, it's it's good. I'm like, it's not good.

SPEAKER_00 37:42

That's not good. Your face is saying one thing and your mouth is saying another, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:47

And especially if it's your big fantasy, you want to be able to take it. You want to be able to be like, it's good. So yeah, it's helpful for the receiver or the giver to have more input.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

So what are some of the biggest mistakes that people make their first time? Let's just shoot those off so everyone can avoid those.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

They get dildos that are too big. So you want a dildo that's pretty thin. It's not gonna look like the big giant appendage or phallus that you have in your head in your fantasy. The straps usually some people buy sets, like a little pegging set that comes with a nylon strap and then a preset kind of dildo. I suggest buying the equipment separately because it depends on your body. So, my body, I've got a big belly. I need to make sure that the strap is sitting on my hips, so under my belly. Your strap should not sit on your lower belly, it should be on your pelvis, just above your clitoris, basically. Another thing that people do is that they add lube in the beginning, but they forget to reapply. So the anus isn't self-lubricating, it's not going to generate more lubrication as the person gets turned on. I think people also forget to communicate because it's awkward. And so we don't check in. We think that steals from the sexiness. Feedback is sexy, right? Harder, faster, slower, deeper, shallower. All these kinds of like little cue words can make us feel more confident as the giver because we're getting biofeedback from somebody's body where we don't have it. We were not feeling what's happening inside their body. And I think the last big one is that people also will push past the body's pain. So, pain is the way that the body is communicating with us. Any sharp kinds of pains might mean that you're too deep or you're hitting an angle of the colon that is quite painful. It's deep intestinal nerve endings. Any kind of burning sensation, burning means that your anal tissue is tired. If you tire it out, you may create micro tears called fissures inside the body that are super annoying and take super long time to heal. So we don't rush anything. We can go super slow, even if it doesn't feel as hot at first. It's gonna allow the body to communicate whatever we need to set the pace of pegging.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Yeah. For women and vulva owners, just think about how when you're getting pounded away at and you're not, you don't have a lube and it's uncomfortable. Like and and guys are like, but it's hot to pound. Like if it feels hotter to go faster while you're in him, give him the same courtesy that you want with your own body and the pounding situation. So, one of my final questions before we move into takeaways is a lot of men who have heterosexual men, I want to we're gonna stick with that, right? Who have experienced pegging and participate in it, say that it makes them better lovers, especially when they return to the giving end of things. Can you give me your take on that? And why both men and their partners, women and their partners who are considering this should listen to this and why why the receivers oftentimes feel like when they return to that power position, if you will, if you want to call it a power, the the giver position, that they are better lovers.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Yeah, I I've heard this too, and I I I definitely have experienced it. I think that having erotic empathy or experiences of of empathy, of being the person who's penetrated, of being the receiver, of being the person who is on the bottom. And I'm using air quotes because those are just kind of like positions of giving and receiving. But I think that that being able to be vulnerable and to try something with your partner that isn't the prescribed script of how we do things gives you a wider range of experience so that you also then apply that knowledge when you are the giver, when you are the penetrator. And so you might learn something about pacing, about positions, about encouraging and being receptive to feedback. A lot of women don't give feedback during sex or ask for feedback during sex because they're worried about hurting their partner's feelings. So we

Why Pegging Can Improve Sex

SPEAKER_01 42:25

betray our bodies for someone else's pleasure. And being in a position where the feedback is critical to doing the thing can help the couple just be more open to and see the value of it. I think also if there's another way for me to be turned on, I want to know. And so we see uh an expansion arise in the person's pleasure and feeling freer in the bedroom, feeling less self-judgment in the bedroom is the key to increased sexual confidence. And so that confidence means they're more relaxed. People with sexual confidence experience higher levels of sexual satisfaction. And so we're seeing just a deepening of connection and mutual pleasure exchange between partners who explore things that feel vulnerable.

SPEAKER_00 43:15

That's a fantastic summary of what that can bring to a relationship, even just giving it a try, even if it's not something you want to continue doing it all of the time, it's going to give you a lot of information about your relationship and instantly improve it. Just have going through that experience together, that intense experience, and and both of you getting to see like what it's kind of like to reverse positions. There's a lot to be brought to that. So we're at the time where we're doing those takeaways. So three things that either person who's interested can do tonight to move things forward and get their pegging fantasy. Is one step closer to getting met.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

Yeah. Okay. So number one is taking the fantasy down a notch. You're not going to take your porn and put it into real life and everything is going to look like that. So whether you're the person that's giving that you desire it or the person that's receiving that desires it, there are ways to even emulate what you want to do without pegging. So if you are behind your partner and kissing their back and maybe thrusting your hips against his butt, that's going to be a way of generating that sort of top energy, that sort of like pounder kind of energy without any penetration. So be open to how your fantasy might look different in reality. I

Three Steps To Start Tonight

SPEAKER_01 44:47

think the second one is play with shopping together. Part of the conversation and the communication could be let's pull up a sex toy website and let's look at some of the things that make us giggle, some of the things that are like, why would you want to be pegged with a tentacle dildo or a unicorn horn dildo? Maybe that's gonna help your partner get a bit more connected to their desire for it too. So stay in the mode that this is a fantasy that we're taking from our erotic imaginations, we're bringing it into real life, but it is co-created. It's not one person doing something and the other person is just kind of going along to get along. I think the third thing is that everyone who has an interest in butt stuff, whether giving or receiving, can benefit from touching their own butt. So in the shower, put a little bit of the tip of your pinky in your butthole. If you're masturbating, what if you graze just the outside of your anus where there's those cute little crinkles that fill up with blood flow when you're aroused? So it doesn't have to be penetration, but starting to create that mind-body connection to the erogenous potential of the butthole is a way to get mentally prepped and a bit more open for things like pegging before you even put anything in a bug.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

Thank you so much. This was a fantastic conversation. I feel like we really nailed every point that my listeners need to fully understand and get started and to understand the explosion in acceptance right now. Can you tell my listeners where they can find you, everywhere they can find you, to find out more about butt stuff and pleasure?

SPEAKER_01 46:31

Yeah, absolutely. I'm still here to help you with lots of techniques. I basically have like a Netflix of sexy skills on my website. So there's 30 plus on-demand classes, including a booty bundle that has my prostate class, which has a live body demo. So if you want to see specific things like fingering techniques or how to enter the anus, I've got you covered. And you can find me on Instagram where I am super shadow banned, but you will find me at Luna Matatas and my website is lunamatas.com.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

Thank you so much for joining us today, listeners. What a gift. Because I know that this is one of those things that many of you have questions about, and it's really hard to find direct, usable information that had so much clarity. I feel like this conversation had a lot of clarity. So what I want you to do is take the information, apply it to your life however you want to, and then report back to me. If you have any questions or comments, you can drop them below this episode. If you're on my YouTube channel, hit the comment section. If you are an audio listener, go to my YouTube channel or email me at Annette at talks with the net.com. So thank you so much for joining me today, Luna. Thank you for having me. And to my listeners, until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.