Praise Kink (Part2) 5 Questions Everyone Keeps Asking (Answered)

The Praise Kink episode was one of my biggest videos ever — and your comment section proved you're ready to go deeper.

I pulled five questions I kept seeing and I'm giving you the real answers. Research, specifics, and the stuff I didn't have room for the first time around.

✔ What to call her when "good girl" doesn't fit — honorifics, worship titles, and why they work 

✔ Can you flip the praise kink and use it on men — and what does that look like inside the kink 

✔ How to actually build a verbal vocabulary when you've been silent your whole sex life 

✔ Why praise kink might be the most powerful tool for women in menopause 

✔ How to introduce praise kink — whether you've been together two months or twenty years

Listen to Praise 5 Praise Kink Moves Part 1 Here: https://youtu.be/HW5PQANI09Y

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Transcript

Rebrand And Locker Room Rules

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Do the sex. I'm Annette Benedetti, host of the podcast formerly known as Locker Room Talk and Shots. The show has a new name: Talk Sex with Annette. But at its core, this is still your locker room. It's where we strip away shame, get curious, and speak the unspoken about sex, kink dating, pleasure, and desire. Around here, nothing's off limits. These are the kinds of conversations we save for our boldest group chat, our most trusted friends, and of course, the women's locker room. Think raw, honest, and sometimes unapologetically raunchy. Welcome to my podcast where desire meets disruption and pleasure becomes power. Let's talk about sex. Cheers. Today's Talk Sex with a Net topic is Praise Kink Part 2. My Praise Kink episode blew up. If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it. I'll link it below. But here's the quick version for anyone who's new. Praise Kink is a specific power dynamic where verbal affirmation said during physical touch triggers a neurochemical response in her body. Dopamine, the wanting chemical, and oxytocin, the bonding chemical, fire at the same time. That almost never happens together. But praise during touch does it. And that combination, being safe enough to let go and excited enough to lose control, that's where the most intense orgasms live. In that episode, I gave you five specific praise moves. Each one was a phrase paired with a physical action. And the response was incredible. My comment section turned into this amazing conversation. People shared what worked, what they tried that night, and what changed for them. But a lot of you also had questions, real ones, things I didn't have time to cover. So I pulled five that kept coming up, and I'm answering them today with the research and the specifics. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that I'm over on OnlyFans, and there I'm sharing my sex and intimacy how-tos, demos, and audio guided self-pleasure meditations. You can find me there with my handle at TalkSex for the net. And you can also find me over on Substack doing a whole lot of the same thing with this same handle. You can also scroll down to the notes section below where you're going to find links to everywhere you want to find me. I can't wait to see you there. But for now, let's dive in to Praise Kink part two, your questions answered. Cheers. Question number one. It had to do with the term good girl. First, let me say good girl isn't the only thing you can call her. There are plenty of other options the kink community actually uses. So if good girl sounds like something you'd say to your kid at a soccer game, it does not belong in the bedroom. But that doesn't mean you have to stop doing the praise kink. This was the number one comment on my praise kink video by far. In fact, someone wrote, anybody have any ideas other than good girl? That's the type of language we use with our daughters. Not gonna be sexy at all. And I hear that. A lot of you had the same reaction, not to the kink itself, but to the word girl. It felt infantilizing. It felt like you were talking down to a grown woman. And if that's how it lands for you, it's gonna land the same way for her. But here's what you need to understand. Good girl isn't the kink. It's just the most well-known entry point. What's actually doing the work underneath those words is the structure. In the kink community, these are called honorifics, titles that signal a specific dynamic between two people. An honorific tells her, I see you, I'm present with you, and something about what you're doing right now is affecting me. That's the engine. The words are just the key that starts it. So if good girl isn't your key, let me give you a whole ring of them. And I'm going to start with the ones that do the opposite of talking down to her, the ones that elevate her. Goddess, said low, said seriously while you're touching her. This puts you in the position of worship. You're not above her, giving her approval. You're below her in reverence. For a lot of women, being worshipped is the version of praise that hits the divest. You're not telling her she's being good, you're telling her she's divine. Or my queen. Same energy, reverence, devotion, and the my makes it possessive, much like my good girl, which I've mentioned in past episodes. But in this case, she's not just any queen, she's yours. That combination of worship and belonging is incredibly powerful. Then there's your everything. Two words said, Well, you're inside her, holding her or watching her come undone. It means what you're giving me right now is all I need in the world. That's not talking down. That's surrender. Or look at you. Three words said, Well, she's losing control. You're watching her, you see her, and you're not just watching, you're in awe of what you're seeing. That's praise through admiration, not authority. Now, some people still want the dominant lane. They want authority in the title. It just can't sound like they're talking to a child. So here are options that carry dominance without infantilizing. That's my woman. It's possessive, it's direct, it's adult. There's no ambiguity about who you're talking to. Or mine. One word during sex, whispered or growled, it's not a name, it's a claim, and it carries enormous weight. Or good, just like that. You drop the noun entirely. The word good does all the praise. Just like that is specificity. She knows exactly what she did write. There's no title needed. And then there's the lane that overlaps with degradation. And I have to be clear, you only go here if you've had a conversation about it first. Consent is absolute key. There's, you're such a good little slut. For women who want it, being praised for being sexually uninhibited is one of the most powerful combinations that exists. She's being told she's good because she's being filthy. That's both permission and approval in the same sentence. Here's the point. The kink isn't one word, it's the dynamic. It's specific present tense verbal affirmation during a physical moment, delivered in a voice that's lower and more deliberate than how you normally talk. Whether you call her goddess or queen or baby or nothing at all, if you're saying something specific, something true, and something that tells her you see exactly what she's doing to you right now, the neurochemistry fires. Pick one that feels like yours, say it out loud alone, and then bring it to bed tonight. Question number two. A woman in my comments asked if Praise Kink works on men. The answer is yes, and the reason most men don't know this about themselves is the same reason they don't cry. She wrote, I'd love to see a video of the same type of power moves for women to do. Are there examples that work? Do men respond to praise the way women do? I mostly want to kick my game up a notch. Good for you. I love this question. And the answer is yes. Men respond to praise, kink. The neurochemistry is identical. Dopamine and oxytocin fire the same way regardless of gender. The wanting chemical and the bonding chemical don't care who's receiving the words. But most men have never experienced it, and there's research behind why. Studies on masculine norms consistently show that men are socialized from a very young age to suppress emotional needs. Boys don't cry, man up, don't be soft. Research confirms that emotional suppression as a marker of strain is one of the most consistent patterns across cultures. That conditioning doesn't stop at the bedroom door. A lot of men have genuinely never been verbally praised during sex in their entire lives. So let's talk about what praise kink looks like when a woman runs it. And there are two ways in. The first is the dominant framework. In king terms, this is femme dom adjacent, but you don't need gear or titles or any kind of scene for it. It just means you're the one holding the verbal power. You're the one evaluating. You're the one deciding when he earns your approval. So here's what that can sound like. That's a just like that. Don't stop. It's praise and direction at the same time. You're telling him he found the right thing and you're rewarding him for finding it. His brain gets that dopamine hit of approval plus a roadmap simultaneously. You can also say, you're so good at this. When it's said with intention, delivered slowly, with eye contact, for a man who's been told his whole life that needing validation is weakness, hearing you are good at this from a woman who means that during sex lands somewhere he didn't know existed. There's also good boy, and I know that might feel weird to some of you, but this is the direct mirror of good girl. It carries the same structure: approval plus a dominant undertone. And for men who respond to it, the effect is immediate and visceral. Same mechanism and same neurochemistry. Now, the second way in is praise from the submissive side, because you don't have to be dominant to activate this kink. If she's underneath him and he's running the show, she can still deliver praise that fires the exact same response. You feel so fucking good right now. That's not a moan. That's a deliberate statement that is present tense and specific. She's telling him what his body is doing to hers. And that real-time verbal confirmation is the praise. There's also, I love it when you fuck me like this. It's specific to this moment. It's not a general review of his skills, it's a present tense observation about what's happening right now. And then there's the one most women never do. And it's the single most powerful move on this list. After it's over, when you're both lying there, you look at him and say, That was you. That was all you. Most men have never heard that. They assume they got lucky, or was the angle, or she was already in the mood. Those three words, that was you, give him something almost no one else ever has. His whole body will respond to that and he'll remember it. You want to kick your game up a notch? That's the notch. Question number three: Have you been silent in your bed your whole life? Here's how to actually build a voice you're comfortable using. A man commented on my last video and said, I just have to figure out how to be verbal. I feel like I sound so stupid. You don't sound stupid. You sound like someone who's never been taught how to do this. That is a completely different thing. Here's what's happening. You have what's called a sexual script. It's a set of learned behaviors your nervous system runs during sex, where you touch, how you move, what sounds you make or don't make. Your current script is silent. You've been having sex with that words for however long. And that groove is deep. Trying to add language feels foreign because you're literally rewriting the program your body runs on. So let me walk you through how to actually do that. You're gonna start outside the bedroom. The problem isn't that you can't talk during sex, the problem is that your mouth has never formed these sentences before. You've never said you feel incredible out loud with any kind of intention behind it. Your voice doesn't know what that sounds like yet. So you practice alone. Say the words out loud in your car, in the shower. You're not rehearsing a performance. You're getting your nervous system used to the sound of your own voice saying sexually charged language. Practice saying words like orgasm clitoris and explicit phrases out loud until they stop feeling foreign in your mouth. The more you hear yourself say them, the more natural they become. Start with single words, just sounds. Fuck, God, said with weight. Get used to what a voice sounds like in that lower register, because that's the voice you're going to be using. Then build scripts. Take out your phone, write down three to five phrases that feel true to you. Not what you think you're supposed to say, what you'd actually mean. A couple of examples are you feel incredible, or I've been thinking about this all day long, or don't stop, or I love watching you. Here's another way in. Read them out loud. If one makes you cringe, rewrite it until it doesn't. Keep the ones that sound like something you'd actually say. Here's another way in, and it's a great bridge. Text her. Before you ever say these things out loud in bed, send them in a message during the day. I can't stop thinking about last night, or I want my hands on you tonight. Texting lets you practice the language without the performance pressure of being naked and in the moment. And once you've seen her respond to it, once your brain has proof that she likes hearing these things from you, saying them in person gets significantly easier. Now, when you're actually in bed, don't start with a sentence. Start with a breath, an exhale she can hear, a low sound when something feels good. You've been suppressing every sound your body wants to make during sex for years. Let one out. Just one. Then one word. Yes, when she does something right, or there when you find a spot. More when you want her to keep going. Single syllables. Sentences come later. Last thing, your brain processes language differently when you're aroused. The prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that makes you feel self-conscious, gets quieter the more turned on you are. On an arousal scale of one to ten, the phrases that feel embarrassing at four out of ten feel completely natural at eight. Don't try your new language when you're barely warmed up. Wait until you're both deep in it. That's when the words become yours. Will it feel awkward the first time? Probably. Maybe the second time too. But by the third time, your nervous system starts to integrate it. Awkwardness isn't a sign you should stop. It's the sound of the old script getting overwritten. So keep going. Question number four is about a topic near and dear to me. Someone asked me, how does any of this apply to a woman that's deep in menopause and her interest in sex is literally gone? Her interest isn't gone. The road to it changed. And most couples are still standing at the old entrance, wondering why it's closed. So here's what most people don't know. The majority of women are not spontaneous desires to begin with. Emily Nagowski's research in Come As You Are found that only about 15% of women experience primarily spontaneous desire, the kind that just shows up out of nowhere. Most women, around 85%, already experience responsive or contextual desire. That means for most women, desire always comes after something starts feeling good, not before. So what was happening before menopause wasn't spontaneous desire. It was her body's ability to respond to stimulation, to adapt to her partner's initiation, and to get on board once things got going. Her rousal system had the hormonal support to do that relatively easily. She could go from zero to interested without needing a long runway. When perimenopause hit, estrogen drops. An estrogen directly affects the neurotransmitters that support that responsiveness, specifically dopamine and serotonin. Research confirms that postmenopausal women experienced decreases in genital arousal in response to touch and vibration and in orgasm intensity. What narrowed here isn't her desire, it's the window through which her body can access it. The runway got longer. The responsiveness that used to kick in quickly now needs more time and more input to activate. This is exactly where a praise king becomes incredibly valuable. Words are a direct pathway to arousal that bypass the physical entry point. When you use specific, present-tense, body-focused praise while you're touching her, you're activating her dopamine pathways through language. You're not waiting for her body to be ready first. You're giving her brain the input it needs to start the arousal process, and her body follows. So the move is this: start earlier and further from sex than you ever had before. Go back to move one from the original episode, the slow trace. Touch the parts of her body that never get attention, her forearms, the curve of her ribs, the inside of her wrist, and say something specific like, I love this spot right here, while your thumb is tracing her head. Or whisper, your skin does something to me while you're running your fingers along the inside of her arm. You're not trying to get anywhere. You're creating the sensory and verbal input her brain needs to begin the responsive desire process. You're building the road before you drive on it. And here's the critical part. Do this consistently. Not every time leads to sex. Sometimes it's just touch and words, and then you stop. That matters enormously because you're teaching her nervous system that your hands and your voice are safe and that there's no agenda. And safety is the foundation responsive desire needs to build on. And one more thing: if she's experiencing pain, dryness, sensitivity, discomfort during penetration, that has to be addressed first. Talk to her doctor about lubricants, vaginal estrogen, whatever she needs. Praise does not override pain. But once the physical barriers are handled, the verbal pathway is wide open. And for a woman whose body needs a longer runway to desire, your voice isn't just nice to have. It might be the most important thing you bring to bat. Finally, question number five. And let me start by saying whether you've been together two months or 20 years, this is how you introduce praise kink without making it weird. If you want to try praise kink, this is where you start, and it's not in the bedroom. This last question came up in a lot of different forms. Some people asking, what if she laughs? What if it's awkward? And others saying, We've been together a long time and silence is our baseline. Isn't it going to be strange if I suddenly start doing this? Both questions have the same answer. So I'm taking them together. If you're worried about it being weird, whether that's because it's brand new or because you've been silent for years, you probably need to start in the same place. And that place is not the bedroom. You don't spring kink on someone. This is true whether you've been dating six months or married for 20. The conversation happens with your clothes on. You say, hey, I watched this video about something called Praise Kink. I think it could be really hot for us. You want to watch it together? That's the whole opener. You're not announcing transformation. You're not saying, I've decided I'm going to start talking dirty. You're inviting her to explore something with you together as a team. Watch it, talk about what sounds interesting, what sounds like a hard no, what she might want to try. Maybe she has her own version. Maybe she's been thinking about this and didn't know how to bring it up. That conversation is where you figure it out, not the first time you attempt to embed. And for those of you who've been together a long time and the silence has become the whole dynamic, I want to acknowledge that changing something that's been the default for years is harder than starting from scratch. You're not just adding something new, you're disrupting a pattern that both of your nervous systems have been running on. So you start even smaller than you think. You don't go from years of silence to good girl in one leap. Start with a sound, an exhale she can hear, a groan or murmur of pleasure when she's close to you. Let her hear that you're present and that you're responding. Then add one phrase, not during sex, during a kiss. When you're holding her on the couch, you smell so good. Set close to her ear. That's not performance, that's just you saying a true thing out loud for the first time. Build from there one layer at a time, one session at a time. Now, what if you're trying it and she laughs? Good. Laugh with her. Research found that 60% of people report laughing during sex, and most said it made them feel closer to the partners. Sex research has also found playfulness specifically prevents monotony and increases connection. Sex is play. It should feel like play. When something comes out a little sideways and you both crack up, that's not failure. That's two people being real. Laugh and then try again. Maybe try a different phrase. Not every word works for every couple. You're looking for the ones that belong to the two of you. As I mentioned before, try a new language when you're already hot. The same phrase that felt silly when you were barely warmed up feels completely natural when you're both deep in it. And for those of you who've been silent a long time, the silence was never neutral. She noticed it. She may have gotten used to it.

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But the first

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Time you say something real, something specific and true about what she does to you, she's gonna feel it. Not because it's a technique, but because it means after all this time, you shut up differently. That's not weird. That's what she's been waiting for. All right, five questions, all different situations, all different starting points. And underneath every one of them is the same thing. Someone who wants to try this and doesn't know where to begin. So start with the conversation. Start outside of the bedroom. Start with words that feel true to you and build from there. Your voice is the most underused tool you bring to sex. I said that in the first episode, and every single one of these questions proves it. Now you know how to use it. If this helped, share it with someone who needs to hear. And if you want to go deeper, my coaching books are open at talksexwithinit.com. You can also find me on OnlyFans and Substat TalkSex Withinit. I want to hear about your experiences. Make sure you head to my YouTube channel. You can drop your comments in the section below the video. That's where I pulled a lot of these questions. Get in on the conversation. Until next time, I'll see you in the locker room. Cheers.